I know that you show kindness and compassion for others. Here’s how you can do the same thing for yourself during the stress of job search.
I’d like to introduce you to my dear friend, Sara Kobilka. Sara is a recovering perfectionist. She can still remember the day in her junior year of high school when she cried her eyes out because her 4.0 GPA was destroyed by an A- in honors FST (functions, statistics and trigonometry).
Sara is known to set impossible goals for herself in her desire to be a genuine Renaissance Woman, a person constantly involved with and excelling in multiple realms including science, art, education and athletics simultaneously…while raising two young children and a dog with a seizure disorder…in a home miles away from any family.
She also writes run-on sentences.
I could keep going, but you get the point. We can be our own worst enemies. We are the most critical of ourselves because we know ourselves the best.
But here’s something else I know about Sara. She thrives at helping others work through their problems and challenges with a combination of honest assessment, strategic thinking, a significant dose of compassion and extending grace, and a dash of self-deprecating humor.
So how can you give yourself the great advice that you probably give to others as they navigate stressful situations like burnout? How can you bolster yourself in the event of an extended job hunt that is wearing you down?
Step Back
Talk to yourself in third person.
Research has found that the simple act of referring to oneself in third person (known as “illeism”) can help you view your situation more objectively. This can be done in a journal, a video diary, or just in your head (though I’d encourage you to create a record of your thoughts to reflect on afterwards).
Here are the steps:
- Ask yourself, “(insert your name), what’s wrong?”
- Validate, don’t negate, your feelings. “Yeah, (insert your name), that really sucks! I’d be pissed off/worried too.”
- Dig deeper. “(Insert your name), can you tell me more about why you’re feeling that way?”
- Listen to your response with a level of detachment.
- Give yourself the advice you’d give a friend who had told you the same thing.
- Challenge the part of your mind that tries to make excuses for why the advice you’d give someone else won’t work for you. “Are you, (insert your name), REALLY that unique??” And I don’t mean this in a mean way. Interrogate whether the arguments from that voice in your head truly have evidence that support them.
- Extend grace to yourself. “You don’t have to be perfect, (insert your name). You have an amazing skillset suitcase crammed full of skills that will make you a great employee in your future career opportunity.”
Switch to third person and give yourself the love and support you give others.
(Excerpt from “Take it With You Newsletter“, sign up to receive regular updates)
